WTF... so far...

Yeah so... When I shot my self in the head and quit Colour Gaurd, and changed to Choir, I just knew in my heart that my mom put it on me because she wanted to go on vacation. This meant leaving at the last minute and NOT going to band camp. Which was the only thing that i would have enjoyed ALL summer. Cause you see, I have done absolutely nothing but sit in my house and watch TV and movies and be beyond definingly bored, so naturally the one thing that i was looking forward to at the end of summer was cancelled for me and different plans were made. So... I thought to myself, what is done is done and I can't go back and be in Colour Gaurd. MY next thought was..."If this vacation isn't that greatest week I have ever had then someone is going to have to DIE!!!" Do you feel what I am saying! Cause every time we go to the NY as a fam, I do the same thing in the NY as I do here! I AM NOT OKAY WITH THAT!!!!

BUT, it is only day two seven, so there is still room for improvment... but by the looks of it, I have a good feeling, it will be the same thing....

SOMEONE KILL ME!!!!!

Confused...

Yeah... So....
What do they call it if you have a deep feeling that you are gay man but you are still oddly attracted to girls. But here is the catch, these girls are not your run of the mill girls and neither are the boys. The girls you are attracted to always resemble that of a boy and the boys always resemble that of a girl, and I am not sure that the is a medium or something in between you know.
Well the deal with me is that I have gone plenty of homosexual endeavors and loved them, but at the same time, I have gone out with some of those boyish girl types and also enjoyed it. Well you see my dilemma or you think i am just lost.

Things To Look Out For While On Facebook

The main reason for this is to show you some key signs of abuse and addiction to Facebook.

1. If you have Facebook as your home page and are always logged in; You are pushing the line. This is a sign of starter habits. Starter Habits will normally lead to abuse and addiction.
2. If you spend more than 5 hours on Facebook in one sitting; once again, you are pushing the line. This is another Starter Habit.
3. If you will spend 3-5 or more hours everyday on Facebook, You have crossed the line and may already be addicted.
4. If you "Facebook Stalk" people on Facebook for multiple hours Daily; once again, you have crossed the line and you may already be addicted.
5. If you will subconsciously go through and look at all 300 to 500 or how ever many pictures of someone; well... 1. that is creepy and 2. you are ADDICTED!
6. If you spend more time on the computer than you do with your family(willingly); You are ADDICTED
7. Now this is the kicker... If you spend more time socializing with your friends on Facebook than you do IN PERSON! YOU ARE ADDICTED!!!

So children, the moral of the story is... Take finger off that mouse right now, and go be a human!

I take that back...

Okay so my first blog was all about my sexuality and such. I take that back. I recently came to realize something that i wish to investigate. 

I Realized something about myself , pertaining to Gender, as well as my sexuality. I came to realize the things that i thought about most were really puzzle pieces to the big picture that is myself and as I got a few more pieces in the big began to look like I had a suppressed feminine side. A side of of me that is not a boy but a girl. 

I thought about it for a long time and I have come to the conclusion that I wish to try it out. I will in fact transform myself into a girl and live as a girl, for an extended period(haha period) of time. A way exploring my personality, or exploring my curiosity if you will. 

Now I have yet to set a day and a time, but I will soon. I will document it all on Youtube, so watch if you are interested. I hope it will be fun!!

I didn't Get in...

The Illinois Theatre Association is putting on HairSpray at the next Illinois Theatre Festival. Now, I am Black. I can sing. I can Dance!!! BUT... I apparently can't do it for them. Yes that's correct. I didn't make the cast.

Auditions were held on three different dates. I of course, attended the last date, june 15(that's 15 Juin for all you frenchies). I went and did my best. My audition was near flawless in my eyes until i was told to sing another song. ... Now get this, play it for me once or give me a minute to site read and i can sing every note!!! Throw in the words and I am a disaster. For some reason I can read notes but not words. Especially when they are right under straight sixteenths!!! So, that being my only down fall, I felt good about myself. Until two weeks later when i was still in the dark and hadn't gotten any response back at all!!! So I ended up calling Mrs. Kim White only for her to personally tell me that I didn't make it and that she was going to alert her production team that i didn't receive an Email. "What are you going to have them do... Send me an email." So yes that is my story after two weeks of waiting and then calling by myself!

Thought I may sound mad, I am not. The auditioning experience was good enough for me. Besides, I met some kool people, and I had a great time.  

Intro!!!

Hey this is jacques, but just for you i will tell you that my real name is Sean Jackson. The reason why i call myself Jacques is because I am slowly taking on a completely new persona. NO, I am not changing who I am, I am merely adjusting the outside to fit the inside.

Um the main reason why I stared this up is because I have Racing thoughts. In a matter of minutes, I will have given a well thought out speech in my head. This goes for everything. Even the most emotional topics. Now, what I do with those thoughts is I write them down. I don't know about you but I have had bad luck with that, the whole diary/journal thing. Lets just say, it wasn't the only one to know what was inside, other than me of course. But i am very good with computers, and i can hide anything quite well on my PC. Thus the virtual Diary/Journal. 

There are a millions things that i would like to say right now but I am afraid that, by the time i get done with one topic, the other will have left my mind.So let me just start with the one I got.

I AM "Bisexual"... in my case meaning... on the fence about who to like, my guilty pleaser is men and women at the same time, I like most guys(the cute and pretty ones), I like... well lets just say i am fairly attracted to one particular type of girl(that being the F2M type or the type of girl that has that unisex look), I often feel frustrated about who I portray myself to be, I have multiple personalities at which range in comfortability with being gay, and everyday I think to myself..."Am I being true to myself?"

Well guess what!!! I'M NOT!!! I'm not and i know it. IT kills me to say it but it is the sad truth. I purposefully am holding back the person that i truly am. So this is where it starts.  From this day on, I am going to slowly become that person. 

Wish Me LUCK!!!